Wow. So I wanted to do a funny blog about my pneumonia vaccine from somewhere in the vicinity of Gehenna, but... hey, why not? Okay, here's the story. I went to the doctor, who was new to me, and did a check-up, and chatted, and at the end he's talking about my next appointment in 3 months and how I should get a flu shot then. Then he starts talking about the new pneumonia vaccine, which is really great and protects you from pneumonia for life. I myself have never even come close to having pneumonia or anything approaching it or other breathing problems, and my immune system is finally back to normal, so I have no idea why he's going on about it, but I figure I'll just let him chat, since he's talking about my next visit anyway, and seems like a nice enough man, although inexplicably infatuated with this pneumonia thing.
Well. He leaves, and the next thing I know, the physician assistant comes in with an enormous shiny needle and says, "So, you're ready for your shot?" And I'm like, "?!" And she's like, "Didn't you want a pneumonia vaccine?" And I'm like, "?!?!?!?" Because while I can handle injections without fainting, I need to be emotionally and psychologically prepared first. So to make a short story even more lengthy, she talked me into it, saying that it wouldn't hurt a bit, just a little soreness the next day, no side effects, as long as I'm not allergic to eggs, which I'm not, but then I've never had them injected into my bloodstream. Via a large shiny glistening needle. (Also, it was leering at me, like the flying roach last month.)
Well. The next morning, I wake up, and I'm thinking, why is my arm paralyzed? And throbbing with lots of pain? And why is there a knot the size of a grapefruit where the shot was given? And why is it glowing redly? And emitting high temperatures of heat? I mean, it's a pneumonia vaccine! You can't get pneumonia in the arm! There are no lungs there! (right? Am I remembering correctly?)
So after reading the nice purple paper thingy that they had given me the day before, I discovered that I am a truly unique individual, comprising less than 1% of the population! Who apparently experience slightly more severe side effects than others, including debilitating, completely immobilizing pain in the arm lasting for days and days and days after the relatively painless injection. And all for a vaccine that I know that I know that I know that I don't even NEED! As far as I know, that is. Ok, so maybe it was a God thing, and He knows something I don't. I mean, besides all the other infinite number of things that He knows that I don't. Sure, I'll go with that.
Okay, after all that ranting and raving, I have to say, I am so grateful, SO grateful and glad and joyful.
Because after a year of trying desperately to understand why God has brought me here, after guessing and second-guessing as to where, how, I might have missed Him and/or why, after months of struggling against despair (yep, despair), leaning on every single bit of spiritual wisdom, growth, healing, ministry, maturity that has been put in me in the past several years, I am finally beginning to see a glimmer of purpose & plan, and whatever might come of it all, I'm just so grateful that God hasn't given up on me. I know, I know intellectually that He won't, but there are times when it is impossible to feel it, no matter how much faith you've got, no matter how many times you've seen miracles and signs and absolutely irrefutable evidence of His love and care in your life and others-- no matter the heights you've experienced...
Weeping may last for a very long, drawn-out night, sometimes, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
And one thing I've learned is that it is inaccurate to judge your own (or another's) spiritual growth and maturity by whatever high or low point you might be in at a any given moment in this journey of faith. God certainly doesn't.
Well. He leaves, and the next thing I know, the physician assistant comes in with an enormous shiny needle and says, "So, you're ready for your shot?" And I'm like, "?!" And she's like, "Didn't you want a pneumonia vaccine?" And I'm like, "?!?!?!?" Because while I can handle injections without fainting, I need to be emotionally and psychologically prepared first. So to make a short story even more lengthy, she talked me into it, saying that it wouldn't hurt a bit, just a little soreness the next day, no side effects, as long as I'm not allergic to eggs, which I'm not, but then I've never had them injected into my bloodstream. Via a large shiny glistening needle. (Also, it was leering at me, like the flying roach last month.)
Well. The next morning, I wake up, and I'm thinking, why is my arm paralyzed? And throbbing with lots of pain? And why is there a knot the size of a grapefruit where the shot was given? And why is it glowing redly? And emitting high temperatures of heat? I mean, it's a pneumonia vaccine! You can't get pneumonia in the arm! There are no lungs there! (right? Am I remembering correctly?)
So after reading the nice purple paper thingy that they had given me the day before, I discovered that I am a truly unique individual, comprising less than 1% of the population! Who apparently experience slightly more severe side effects than others, including debilitating, completely immobilizing pain in the arm lasting for days and days and days after the relatively painless injection. And all for a vaccine that I know that I know that I know that I don't even NEED! As far as I know, that is. Ok, so maybe it was a God thing, and He knows something I don't. I mean, besides all the other infinite number of things that He knows that I don't. Sure, I'll go with that.
Okay, after all that ranting and raving, I have to say, I am so grateful, SO grateful and glad and joyful.
Because after a year of trying desperately to understand why God has brought me here, after guessing and second-guessing as to where, how, I might have missed Him and/or why, after months of struggling against despair (yep, despair), leaning on every single bit of spiritual wisdom, growth, healing, ministry, maturity that has been put in me in the past several years, I am finally beginning to see a glimmer of purpose & plan, and whatever might come of it all, I'm just so grateful that God hasn't given up on me. I know, I know intellectually that He won't, but there are times when it is impossible to feel it, no matter how much faith you've got, no matter how many times you've seen miracles and signs and absolutely irrefutable evidence of His love and care in your life and others-- no matter the heights you've experienced...
Weeping may last for a very long, drawn-out night, sometimes, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
And one thing I've learned is that it is inaccurate to judge your own (or another's) spiritual growth and maturity by whatever high or low point you might be in at a any given moment in this journey of faith. God certainly doesn't.
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